What Your Emotions Are Trying to Tell You

This is an article that takes a deeper look into our emotional world. How emotions connect to our core belief systems, and how important they are in our journey toward self-worth and inner growth.  

I recently heard a politician say, “We all have a right to offend, and we all have a duty to be offended.” At first I laughed, but then it made me think, more deeply about the way we respond emotionally to life’s challenges.  

We all experience difficult emotions—frustration, hurt, shame, rage—and often, we don’t know why these feelings seem to overwhelm us so quickly or so frequently. But here’s something crucial: emotions are not caused by other people or situations. We create our own emotions. They don’t come from outside us, but from inside, born out of how we interpret events  based on our personal history, beliefs, and needs; or unmet needs.  

This isn’t about blame. It’s about empowerment. Because when we  understand why we feel what we feel, we can start to transform our emotional world, rather than being at its mercy.  

So ask yourself, the next time you feel consumed by emotion:  

“Is this emotion appropriate to the situation… or have I been emotionally  triggered?”  

A trigger is a moment when your emotional response is larger than the  situation calls for. It usually means something deeper has been activated— usually an old, unresolved wound from childhood. When this happens, the  emotional system in your brain (especially the limbic system) kicks in, but  it’s not just responding to the present moment. It’s responding to a past  traumatic experience that felt very similar—and left a wound.  

Take a moment to trace your emotional reaction like a detective. You start by identifying the emotion, then the thought that came just before it, and finally the belief underneath it.  

Emotion → Thought → Belief.

This dynamic also operates in reverse. We can live aspects of our lives from a negative belief that drives negative  thinking, followed by negative emotions that drive negative behaviour.  

Let me give you an example: A client of mine was in a group where open  discussion was encouraged. She offered a comment—something she felt was thoughtful and relevant—but no one responded. She felt frustration  and hurt rise in her chest. And she caught herself thinking: This feels  bigger than what just happened. So she asked herself, “Why have I created this emotion?”  

The thought behind her feeling was, “I’ve just been ignored.”  And the belief that thought pointed to was, “I don’t matter.”  That belief didn’t begin in that group. It began in her childhood. Like  many people, she had experienced emotional neglect—subtle or overt  signals that her voice didn’t matter, that she wasn’t seen, valued, or heard. That old wound was reactivated, and her body responded with emotion.  Not because of what happened in the group—but because of what that moment reminded her of.  

This is the core of the therapeutic process: understanding how our past  shapes our present.  

Our job is not to suppress the emotion, but to explore it. To ask: 

• What memory or meaning has this emotion reactivated? 

• What belief did I form back then?  

• Is that belief true—or just familiar?  

Most of us walk around carrying what I call limiting core beliefs—usually  some variation of:  

“I’m not enough.”  

“I’m unlovable or unworthy.”  

“I can’t cope.”  

“There’s something wrong with me.”  

Because we live in a world of duality (right/wrong, good/bad, worthy/ unworthy), once we absorb a negative belief, we have to split off from its  opposite. The psyche cannot hold a dual belief system of say, “I am  enough” and “I’m not enough” at the same time. So if your early experiences of parental indoctrination led you to conclude you’re  unworthy, then your sense of worthiness must become buried. Not gone, just hidden. 

And to keep that belief in place, your psyche develops an internal enforcer: the Inner Critic.  

The Inner Critic is a harsh voice, often modelled on a critical or  emotionally distant parent. The inner critics job is to keep you “safe” by  keeping you in line—usually by repeating those old, hurtful messages  internally:  

“Don’t speak up.”  

“You’re not smart enough.”  

“You’ll only get hurt again.”  

It sounds like protection, but really, it’s limitation or even manipulation.  But here’s the thing: you weren’t born with those beliefs.  

Newborns don’t wonder if they’re enough. They don’t question their worth. They are worthy, just by being. It’s only through repeated childhood  wounding—from repetetive trauma or adverse experiences —that we begin to believe otherwise. The belief doesn’t come from within. It’s absorbed, inherited, introjected. It’s a lie we mistake for truth.  

That’s why healing isn’t just about “thinking positively.” It’s about unlearning those internalised lies and reconnecting with your innate self worth. And that happens through a process called Reparenting.  

Reparenting means cultivating a new internal relationship between three parts of your psyche:  

• The Inner Child, who holds the emotional wounds and unmet needs,  that need care and compassion  

• The Inner Critic, who enforces old survival strategies through harsh  judgment and criticism  

• And the, often immature, Inner Nurturing Parent, who learns to  provide the care, affirmation, and boundaries you didn’t receive  growing up  

My signature coaching program helps clients develop this Inner Nurturing Parent. Through gentle, structured processes like therapeutic  interventions in sessions, supported by journaling, visualisation, inner dialogue, and empty-chair work, you begin to replace criticism with compassion, disconnection with curiosity, and shame with care.

But healing isn’t always smooth. Sometimes clients come into coaching  knowing they want change—but find themselves stuck. That’s often a sign that the belief is no longer just conscious—it’s unconscious, deeply  entrenched, possibly pre-verbal in origin. In those cases, we meet the clients resistance. The unconscious mind wants familiarity more than freedom. The Inner Child will use negative emotions as decoys to avoid  change. “Yes, I want change… but No!, I’m not going to do it.”  

This is where Therapy, rather than Coaching becomes essential.  

The Inner Union Therapy Program I offer is designed for clients who have already completed my coaching programme and now find themselves at the edge of something deeper. It helps you uncover the unconscious patterns still driving your emotional reactivity, challenge the inner critic’s control, and build a more loving, consistent relationship with  yourself.

To recap:  

Negative emotions are not your enemy.  

They are messengers.  

They are breadcrumbs, that lead us back to our core inner beliefs.  They are invitations to come home to yourself.  

When you feel triggered, it doesn’t mean you’re weak or broken. It means  there’s a part of you—usually a younger part—who is still waiting to be  heard, to be seen and valued. And until we hear that part, the emotions will  keep recycling themselves. Often presenting in different ways in response  to different situations, making it difficult to see a pattern emerging.  

So next time you feel triggered, ask:  

What am I feeling?  

What was I thinking just before I felt this? 

What belief am I holding onto—and do I still want to believe it?  Would I teach this same belief to a child I love?  

This is the journey of healing, reparenting and the journey of coming  home.  

If you’re ready to take that next step—from understanding your patterns to  transforming them—then perhaps my Coaching or Therapy programs are right for you.  

Book a free discovery call and let’s see what’s possible?